It is in human nature to be a social creature. It’s also in their nature to want to avoid feeling like a burden. Most importantly, no one wants to feel powerless or too dependent/reliant on others. While it may seem like some people are born more self-reliant and independent, this isn’t always the case. In fact, this is a skill that you learn and develop over the course of time. So, for those who find this idea to be appealing, here’s how you can stop depending on others and learn how to be more self-reliant.
1. Stop seeking external validation
Some people are just more dependent on the opinions of others, and there’s not much they can do about it. However, people who fall under this category could do with a bit less of it.
The first thing you need to do is reevaluate your priorities. Upon doing something, what’s your first reaction? Do you look around to see if anyone’s noticed it? Do you ask other people for an opinion before developing your own emotional reaction? The thing is that this type of behavior can rob you of your integrity.
Figuring things out for yourself is the only true freedom anyone really has in life. Why not exercise it?
Also, people’s tastes and opinions differ from those who hold them. If you ask two people for an honest opinion, you may get two completely opposite opinions. So, in this scenario, whose opinion matters more? That’s easy – your own.
Stop being such a pick.me. Do you want others to like you for who you’re not? If you present a false picture of yourself and others like it, who do they like? Not you!
You see, figuring out how to stop seeking external validation is hard, but accomplishing this goal is more than liberating.
2. Become financially independent
Have you ever heard the term that someone has “f-you money.” This means that they’re affluent enough that they can no longer be bought or bribed to do something (at least not cheaply). Sure, you don’t want to become a slave of your own labor, but at the same time, great finances bring more freedom and independence than you would assume.
In his book Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki talked about how wealthy people make money working for them instead of working for money. This means that you need to create passive income, and there are many ways to do so.
Also, you need to start investing and start investing smart. Even when you plan to make a risky investment, it needs to be data-based. For instance, if you plan to invest in crypto, you should conduct an analysis of presale tokens to see where your money stands the best odds at actually multiplying.
Just keep in mind that your cravings can always exceed your income. The key thing is to grow your income without acquiring expensive habits. To some, this defeats the purpose of making more money, but if your aim is to become financially independent, this is the way to go.
Ultimately, you need to understand that knowledge brings liberation, which is why becoming more financially literate, in general, should be a huge priority.
3. Learn how to set boundaries
The only people who will get upset when you start setting boundaries are people who benefit from you not having them to begin with.
One of the most important things you must learn is to say no. This phrase will save you from so many problems in life. Sometimes, people instinctively agree to things without even pausing to think if they’ll be able to honor the deal. As a result, they stress themselves out and disappoint the person to whom they gave the promise. All of this could have been avoided if you just learned how to say no.
The next issue you need to consider is the concept of emotional manipulation. People always do it to you, and you do it to others without even realizing it. People do it because it works but not many do it consciously or maliciously. This is one of the main misconceptions about emotional manipulation, and it’s what makes these practices extra sneaky.
One of the best antidotes to this (and a great boundary-setting tip) is to ask for more time to think it through. This is a seemingly simpler request, but it will cause an outburst in someone actively trying to manipulate you. They’ll insist that you answer right away and even start openly blackmailing you (which is an amazing outcome that gets all the masks off).
4. Develop new skills
Everything you have to do yourself means you don’t have to rely on anyone else. This is the case with all the DIY projects and little hacks you can master.
First of all, even if you intend to call a professional or a handyman, you might want to learn a few simple tricks on your own. Sure, you want to hire an electrician to handle your grid, but do you want to have to wait for someone to replace your light bulb? Here, it’s not even about the cost of the action; it’s about the fact that you must wait for someone to come over.
Then, there’s the issue of making a decision. Sure, you can ask someone for advice, but rather than being at the mercy of whether they’re right or if they’ve done thorough research, why not figure out what to do on your own? Today, you have all the resources you need for independent research; use it up.
Ultimately, the concept of microlearning is game-changing in this regard. Why wait for someone to help you tie your tie when you can just find a 2-minute video on YouTube and follow the instructions? There are so many simple tips and tricks you can learn in a matter of minutes that will help you in the long run.
5. Take responsibility
Taking responsibility for your actions is an underappreciated trait that’s growing increasingly rare today. Namely, if you’re always looking for someone to blame, you’re not leaving an opening for a potential to do better next time. After all, if it’s not your fault, then there’s nothing that you should have done differently, right?
Well, this is one of the things that chess can teach you. This is one of the rare games where there’s no RNG. Both players start with the same number of pieces and the same number of moves. Chess theory is also pretty much solved, and with the help of chess engines like Stockfish, it’s already proven that a perfect chess game is always a draw. This means that if you lose the game, you make a mistake at some point. No matter how brilliant your opponent is, there’s a perfect answer for every move. In other words, if you lose, it’s your own fault.
As Savielly Tartakower once said – In chess, the winner is the one who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Also, acknowledging your mistake will prevent people from guilt-tripping you. If you admit that you’ve made a mistake, apologize, and promise to do better, you’ve already done all you can (at the moment). This means that you should not take any harassment from that point on. Take your stand (we’ve already talked about boundaries).
Move yourself up your own priority list
Having compassion for everyone but yourself is incredibly exhausting. If you let this go on for long enough, no matter how willing you are to undergo a sacrifice, it will just seem unfair. Instead, learn how to put yourself first and you’ll strengthen enough to become a rallying beacon for everyone around you. In a way, even your own independence can become socially beneficial.
